In recent times sex has become a common commodity, coupled with many bragging about their saccharine, huge sexual organs, and outstanding performances while engaging in the act, would you be ashamed if you were a Virgin?

According to Wikipedia; Sexual intercourse (or coitus or copulation) is sexual activity involving the insertion and thrusting of the male penis inside the female vagina for sexual pleasure, reproduction, or both.

The next thing that comes to mind then will be why do we have sex? Historically, the reasons people have sex have been assumed to be few in number and simple in nature reproduce, to experience pleasure, or to relieve sexual tension. Several theoretical perspectives suggest that motives for engaging in sexual intercourse may be larger in number and psychologically complex in nature.

Aside from these, myths and several misconceptions are hovering around the globe, countries, communities, and religions of the “Spiritual” aspects of sex. Infant numerous testimonies given by Christians tell of how demonic spirits had attacked their lives, brought stagnation and unwarranted incidents in their lives hence the need for all to keep their virginity before marriage. This led to the popular adoption of the phrase “Sex before or After Marriage” which is right? A question is still being answered from different perspectives.

But these are the legitimate questions; should one therefore be ashamed of being a Virgin? What is the appropriate age at which one should break his or her virginity? Must I get married before breaking my virginity? Have engaged in foreplay, but yet to be penetrated; am I still a Virgin? These and many more curious questions remain unanswered in the minds of many.

26-year-old university student whose name I will keep anonymously, in a conversation on this subject matter, tells me how embarrassed and ashamed he feels of himself being a Virgin at the age of 26. Despite being a sapiosexual surrounded by a lot of ladies, the thought of being intimate with any of them hasn’t even crossed his mind.

According to him, his first relationship which gave him a glimpse of a French kiss ended due to what the lady claims to be his love for books and not her. However, he’s now poised at breaking the virginity at all courses.

He further tells me that he doesn’t intend to break his virginity with another virgin. Can you imagine!!!!!

A clear case of CURIOSITY!!!!!!

First-time sex brings up a lot of questions. Will it hurt? Will I orgasm? What does it mean if I don’t bleed? There’s a lot of information out there, between what you’ve read on social media, seen in movies and TV shows, and heard from your friends. Sure, parents may give a sex talk around the time you hit puberty, or a teacher covered the topic in health class, but they may have skipped over some critical details or left some questions unanswered that you might have been too embarrassed to ask.

But you’re definitely not alone if you have questions, and there are actually a number of important things to know before losing your virginity that no one may have told you. To be even more prepared, keep reading for all of the things no one tells you about losing your virginity, then decide if you should be “ASHAMED” or not


1. There’s no right way to have sex.

First, it’s crucial to note that there’s no right or wrong way to have sex. Sex is defined in many ways, and everyone’s experience is different. There are so many different reactions you could have, both emotional and physical to having sex for the first time — all of which are completely normal. What matters is that you and your partner are comfortable, give consent, use protection, and are 100 percent sure you’re ready to make this step.

2. Losing your virginity doesn’t mean exactly what you think it means.
A virgin is someone who’s never had sex but, because sex holds different meanings for different people, it’s not really that simple. Most people think that losing their virginity means penis-in-vagina intercourse, but that’s not always the case. For those who aren’t cisgender or straight, the definition of losing their virginity may be oral sex or anal sex. The truth is there isn’t a universal definition for virginity — it comes down to each individual to define it for themself.

“Other activities, like oral sex, can be even more intimate than sexual intercourse,” Kris Gowen, a sex educator and author of Making Sexual Decisions, says. “Any time you’re intimate with someone, it’s going to impact you.”
So don’t put too much on the technicality of just one act, and instead think of losing it as a progression. Then you’ll be prepared to handle all of the big responsibilities (like am I being safe?) and complex emotions (did they really just see me totally naked?!) that come with each and every step.

3. Think about talking to your doctor before your first time.
If you’re considering having sex for the first time, it’s a good idea to talk to your doctor about it first. I know, it might feel weird talking to an adult about sex in today’s world. But, trust me, they hear about sex and vaginas all day, every day, so nothing will shock them. And there’s this thing called doctor/patient confidentiality, which means that whatever you tell your doctor stays inside the walls of the exam room.

“Seeing a doctor prior to having sex is a good thing to do,” Dr. Tiffanny Jones, OB/GYN and fertility specialist at Conceive Fertility Dallas advises. It’s an important way to discuss the different forms of birth control, like the pill or an IUD, and how to prevent sexually transmitted infections, she adds. So take advantage of this opportunity to ask any and all questions.

Or it could be with a trusted person who per your calculations is well-versed in sex tips and it’s reality issues, ready to take you through the pros and cons of what you need to know as a Virgin before indulging in the act.

4. You can change your mind at any point.
Let’s set the scene: You’re passionately kissing your significant other and you’ve both decided that tonight is the night, but then you think: You know, I don’t really want to do this right now. That is 1,000,000,000 percent okay, and you have every single right to let your partner know that. People change their minds over all kinds of things (like craving a burger but then actually realizing they want nuggets), so why would that be any different for something as intimate as having sex for the first time? If you’re not ready, then it’s not happening, and that’s totally fine. And it doesn’t matter how far you’ve gotten, you can stop at any point. Should this be something one must be ashamed of?

5. No one actually cares if you’re still a virgin!!

Yes, sometimes people do talk a lot about sex and all of your friends are doing it, but trust me: People do not care that you’re still a virgin and most don’t care what “virginity” means. That is an excellent reason to wait for the positive experience you deserve, full of mutual deep feelings and next-level respect. The right person won’t care about how much you’ve hooked up. Everyone’s experiences are different. No matter your age, you should feel ready and comfortable enough to do things on your own terms, and there’s no shame in that.

By: Mary Quartey


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